Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
