So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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