Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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