i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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