a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
