she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
