but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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