I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
