Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
