I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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