His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
