I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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