pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
