Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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