Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
from now on my penis is your penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
