I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
