i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
