A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
