So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
