so explain again why im purple
no
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
