i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
