i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
