Nicole vs. Life
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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