She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
