I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
