I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
