Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think your dad took our porno
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
