thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am one with the molecules
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
