Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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