i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
