You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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