he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
