So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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