I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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