so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
