I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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