My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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