woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
