I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
