Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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