The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
