So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
