I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
3pm strippers are depressing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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