escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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