I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
