Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
