My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
