OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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