Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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