OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
