Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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