Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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