i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
