we have officially lost it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
