i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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