Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Boobs speak an international language.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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