It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
