OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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