i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
