my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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