I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize