I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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