you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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