somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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