I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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