Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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