I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
