I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
