Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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