he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize