i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
