I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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