Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
