So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
