I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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