My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
