i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
