You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
