you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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