if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
