i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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