yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
