I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
